Category Archive

I swear that I did this independently. I didn’t join this organization and get brainwashed into growing some facial hair in that special love area between my nose and upper lip. I’m not some sheep growing a mustache, I’m just growing a mustache. Plus I don’t think that that is even physically possible - for sheep to grow mustaches. On a somehow related topic, is there a term for those strands of hair that grow on old women’s chins?

This is me after 9 days. That’s 316 hours of solid growth. The plan is to grow it out till end of time. Or March. Or Passover. Whichever comes sooner. But SERIOUSLY. I’m just trying to look like my dad. I started writing a song about it. Eventually it will require a full 72 piece orchestra. It’s pretty pretty.

Dad, dad, aren’t you glad / I hope that my ’stache doesn’t make you sad / trying to show my Hungarian roots / If I was half panda I’d eat some bamboo shoots

Hiking abounds! I am the brushfire ninja, hiding among the power leaves and the power trees. On a scale of 1-47, one being not really that much, 25 being yes, I sort of see it, and 47 = that’s exactly what I was thinking, zounds, your powers of telepathy make me want to touch myself! HOW CLOSELY DO I RESEMBLE AN IBEX?

Winkelman. Stop being so damn intelligent. A little corruption is good for everyone. I’m sad I couldn’t make it to Austin. I should listen better. You know I have ridiculously small, elf like ears.

Hi Monkeys! I’m going to Australia! Thailand! And Lhasa! And Mollster, thanks for reading.

i’m going to post a short story im working on in a few days, and would appreciate anyone and everyone’s feedback. it’s a flash fiction piece, and i dig it. a tragic comedy. sad, but bittersweet at the same time.

interviews interviews interviews this week.

if I don’t land a job im finishing the app then heading to new zealand for a while. Its time I get me some intense UV rays. and see what the sheep are all about.

here are some options: hawaii, new zealand, australia, thailand, nepal, hong kong.

something rural. something nice. and something far far different than los angeles. couchsurfers, get those beds ready.

that’s how i look at it. i’m soon to be employed. not unemployed. fuck unemployed. drug addicts, my weird israeli cousin who ‘worked’ as a landscaper, he was unemployed. sean connery is unemployed.

my food making skills have gone through the roof. the roof of my kitchen. on wednesday im going to go have sex with the farmers market vendors and steal all the asparagus.

If you’re in LA, you should visit the ACE Gallery . Bees and Meat. Not to bee missed. You should bee there. Just bee yourself. Okay. Enough.

the sun is out. and i don’t have to go to work today. beach time it is!!

-Aaron

It’s a great day when a respected rebbetzin says the word dildo before you’ve eaten your Cheerios.

The alcohol and the kareoke were flowing the night before till 3 am, but I’m out of bed at 10 for a course on Repressed Sexuality, Masturbation, and Intimacy in Judaism led by the Seidler-Fellers. When I get there, the room is packed with Jews, young, old, married, single, Streimel headed rabbis, horny comedians.

LimmudLA, the first annual conference for the city of Angels, a child of an already proven concept, took over white republican Orange County this weekend - most of the takeover taking place at the Hilton and surrounding sushi strip malls when we got sick of the step-up to wedding foods - and it rocked. Here’s the concept: bring together experts, thinkers, filmmakers, musicians, political analysts, philosophers (many of whom could charge thousands of dollars for a single speaking gig) and LEARN. Learn what? Sacred Sexuality and the Sabbath; Abraham, his unfailing confidence, and why that might have pissed God off; Why the Iranian threat may expedite the Peace Process between Israel and the Arab States; “Night of the Living Jews,” a short Hasidic horror produced by Heeb, written and directed by high school dropout/rising Heeb Oliver Noble. (Do the two always go together?) Luckily the sex sessions did not overlap. It was great to engage in intercourse discourse all day.

Limmud. It’s not brand new. It’s what Jews do. Finally, someone had the balls and the brains to spend resources on a Jewish conference with a substantive backbone. That’s what this conference, which felt like Bonnaroo with less drugs, brings what others don’t: substance, quality, stuff, ideas, lessons, food for that needs to be challenged space in my head. And they’re smart too: they podcast, they vidcast, and after realizing the success of the first one in the UK 25 years ago, they inspired and help operate satellite festivals in other cities and countries too. Good karma, spreading your way.

What else do I like about Limmud? In this advertising age where branding and marketing and oversexifying anything Jewish has become king, where promoters and organizers work desperately (and usually unsuccessfully) to make an event appear ‘cool’ because some group of morons and the monkeys who follow them think that that will draw bigger numbers, generate buzz, and of course, the bills to pay for the next lame Jewzika, Jewzapalooza, or JewzIthinkImgonnathrowupalready, LimmudLA boldly and intelligently maintains its authenticity, says no to the played out, idiotic puns, and for me, personally, a 24 year who has had a more than just a brief stint of Jewish professional life, gives some badly needed fresh air. The problem, of course, does not simply lie with the name and concept; it’s what behind it that can make or break a program. Take this festival for instance: though I do take issue with the name, no doubt, its an exciting idea that demanded innovation, creativity, a brand new way of looking at traditions and crossing cultures to give fresh insight.

To promoters and planners: spend less time packing and more time concepting. If there’s no content or no substance, no amount of advertising, packaging, cleverness, or cuteness will help you. Create something of value, stand behind it - that’s how you’ll draw the people. For Jews’ sake: get creative. Think. We’re supposedly good at that. Don’t be satisfied and follow what other people are doing with time tested ideas. It won’t work. Resist the temptation and stand out above the rest. That’s the only guarantee.

Limmud equals learning. So be at the next one.

San Francisco audiences at the MacExpo were wowed yesterday by Steve Jobs’ latest unveiling, Dennis Monk, the world’s smallest, thinnest, tiniest Apple user.

“I got the sense that people weren’t as thrilled as we were with the Macbook Air, so I spoke with John Ive (Apple’s Chief Designer) and he told me about a Black Project even I didn’t know was going on.” Indeed, the Macworld community left out a depressed sigh at the sight of the Macbook Air, hailed by the computer company as the ‘World’s Thinnest Notebook.” When Jobs noticed that they weren’t impressed, he was up to the new challenge.

“And there’s one more thing,” uttered Jobs on Tuesday during a press conference at apple headquarters. “I want to introduce Dennis Monk, the world’s smallest Apple user in history.” Jobs then opened up his palm, and held up Monk between his right thumb and forefinger, quickly setting him down on the podium to prevent heavy pangs of nausea. At just 2 inches tall, and weighing 4 oz. Monk has already gained attention and generated considerable buzz in the Mac community.

Monk, who is 33 years and originally from Richmond, Virginia, has been a Mac user since age seven. He studied electrical engineering on scholarship at Cal-Tech, and now works as a Flash developer for Apple in San Francisco. An avid tadpole lover, he is committed to animal and forest conservation, but celebrated for his highly aggressive attitude, especially when defending his employer.

“Hello children. I’m all over these haters who say Apple has lost its edge. Have you even seen the Macbook Air? The iPhone? Steve is one bad, badass motherfucker,” he told journalists at the Apple press conference. “We’re years ahead of anything you pieces of crap can throw at us. And Google? Google can suck my left-”

Placing Monk in his breast pocket with a kernel of candy corn, Jobs told reporters, “Monk is the next revolution in the Apple experience. If we’re creating small phones and hardware, the next logical step is to create the small Mac user. Some people think it’s better to work backwards, but we’re all about working forwards and sometimes sideways if needed.”

Inside sources at Apple say that Monk provided the inspiration for Apple’s latest venture into miniaturizing their products, such as the iPod touch, the Shuffle, and MacBook Air.

“You bastards think this is it, right? You know that bag with the touch and the shuf? It’s twenty feet deep,” said Monk, sitting on Jobs’ collar, the iMic in hand, his voice teeny yet somehow booming. “2008 is going to be the year of the mini. We’re coming out with a iDog, iSecurity, and iSuck, the world’s smallest vacuum cleaner. Ya’ll better watch the fuck out!”

Jobs would not confirm any statements put forth by Monk to the press.

Lately I’ve been following the Google Android. It’s a Linux based operating system that Google acquired months ago, and coupled with their plans to purchase wireless bandwidth (even air is for sale!) is a huge indication of their plans to enter the mobile market. Why do I care about Android? It’s an open-sourced platform, so it gives free reign for coders and app developers to write applications.  Mark my words…We’ll all be using Google phones by 2009..

Today A La Mobile has developed the first handset and integrated it with Android. You can read  the article here.

And if you want to spend a few minutes watching a rich as hell geeky Russian Jewish guy explain the product, watch the Android video!