transition transmission

tonight is lag b’omer in israel. bonfireshimon bar yochai, famous kabbalist rabbi dies on this day hundreds of years ago, so all of israel’s youth gather and light massive pyres all over the city – chemically traeted and stained wood, plywood, shipping crates leaned against each other smoke pillowing throughout the sky its nice and bright but i’m suffocating, my mind choking in its own head rush of a bonfire, burning since thursday when i had to say goodbye yet again to the familiar…

the desert, the stillness, the air, the sand, the emptiness and fullness of it all, the simplicity of everything – whatever residual love of the arava valley desert i’ve been so faithfully cultivating in my heart has begun to decay at shocking uncontrollable speed.  tonight i stood amidst a mass of carnivores and barbecues,  surrounded by apartment buildings so tightly spaced together the moon was hiding. i was out in a park and yet claustrophobic, my only solace found in the advice of a friend, who said that ‘simplicity is within, not out.’  i took a few more breaths of toxicity and left.

leaving lotan, leaving israel, the return to america, the orange walls of flame i saw tonight have reached up to chest level – i’m exhausted and running on auxiliaries right now – we’ve the swallowed stage everybody. its amazing how easy it is to get plugged back into the matrix, isn’t it? life was so simple, so slow, so nice just 72 hours ago.  affirmations were set, goals were made, and now like passing tel-aviv traffic on friday afternoons the priorities have shifted in space, alarmingly not as lucid as they once had seemed. and why? just when direction was being set and realized, does the prospect of an environmental graduate program frighten me? i researched the school (u of michigan) for a few happy minutes later but had to close the window. my focus has to be on leaving this place, processing what i already left, and figuring what to keep and take with me, and what i must leave behind.

it really is a hard space to be in, as i’m sure you know by now. being between countries, awaiting flights to transatlantic destinations feels like your heart mind and digestive tract is being ripped apart. like y2k you just want the bullshit to be over with already.  tomorrow more fun goodbyes, some serious meditation and no meat. i really want my strength back.

Advertisements

Published by

urbaneskimo

I'm fascinated with people, their stories, where they're coming from and where they're headed. Met many, and now it's time to write my own. follow the footprint.

One thought on “transition transmission”

  1. Aaron, I was in the GA last spring and have caught up every now and then with your blog posts. It’s difficult reading about it because I still miss it so much, and every reading brings back such vivid memories… I sympathize with your feelings of separation, and I offer only this much – that Lotan has stayed with me every day since I left it on a shuttle to Eilat at 5 in the morning one year ago, that it has shaped every major decision I have made since, and that I know the same is true for every other GA from my group.

    I live and work in Washington, DC, my home town, and though I love the city, I have found it hard to translate everything I learned in the desert to this new, renewed life here. Still I think that rather than having the teachings of permaculture fade in my mind, they have only become stronger, as step by step I am integrating them with my own life – finding new ways to cut down on my consumption and increase my creative r-e-c-y-c-l-e recycling, using concepts like “zoning” in planning my day-to-day actions, beginning to grow my own food in my little backyard plot, and most of all spreading the word.

    Thank you for your thoughtful writings, and I wish you the best in your transition.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s