the soon to be employed

that’s how i look at it. i’m soon to be employed. not unemployed. fuck unemployed. drug addicts, my weird israeli cousin who ‘worked’ as a landscaper, he was unemployed. sean connery is unemployed.

my food making skills have gone through the roof. the roof of my kitchen. on wednesday im going to go have sex with the farmers market vendors and steal all the asparagus.

If you’re in LA, you should visit the ACE Gallery . Bees and Meat. Not to bee missed. You should bee there. Just bee yourself. Okay. Enough.

the sun is out. and i don’t have to go to work today. beach time it is!!



LimmudLA Delivers


It’s a great day when a respected rebbetzin says the word dildo before you’ve eaten your Cheerios.

The alcohol and the kareoke were flowing the night before till 3 am, but I’m out of bed at 10 for a course on Repressed Sexuality, Masturbation, and Intimacy in Judaism led by the Seidler-Fellers. When I get there, the room is packed with Jews, young, old, married, single, Streimel headed rabbis, horny comedians.

LimmudLA, the first annual conference for the city of Angels, a child of an already proven concept, took over white republican Orange County this weekend – most of the takeover taking place at the Hilton and surrounding sushi strip malls when we got sick of the step-up to wedding foods – and it rocked. Here’s the concept: bring together experts, thinkers, filmmakers, musicians, political analysts, philosophers (many of whom could charge thousands of dollars for a single speaking gig) and LEARN. Learn what? Sacred Sexuality and the Sabbath; Abraham, his unfailing confidence, and why that might have pissed God off; Why the Iranian threat may expedite the Peace Process between Israel and the Arab States; “Night of the Living Jews,” a short Hasidic horror produced by Heeb, written and directed by high school dropout/rising Heeb Oliver Noble. (Do the two always go together?) Luckily the sex sessions did not overlap. It was great to engage in intercourse discourse all day.

Limmud. It’s not brand new. It’s what Jews do. Finally, someone had the balls and the brains to spend resources on a Jewish conference with a substantive backbone. That’s what this conference, which felt like Bonnaroo with less drugs, brings what others don’t: substance, quality, stuff, ideas, lessons, food for that needs to be challenged space in my head. And they’re smart too: they podcast, they vidcast, and after realizing the success of the first one in the UK 25 years ago, they inspired and help operate satellite festivals in other cities and countries too. Good karma, spreading your way.

What else do I like about Limmud? In this advertising age where branding and marketing and oversexifying anything Jewish has become king, where promoters and organizers work desperately (and usually unsuccessfully) to make an event appear ‘cool’ because some group of morons and the monkeys who follow them think that that will draw bigger numbers, generate buzz, and of course, the bills to pay for the next lame Jewzika, Jewzapalooza, or JewzIthinkImgonnathrowupalready, LimmudLA boldly and intelligently maintains its authenticity, says no to the played out, idiotic puns, and for me, personally, a 24 year who has had a more than just a brief stint of Jewish professional life, gives some badly needed fresh air. The problem, of course, does not simply lie with the name and concept; it’s what behind it that can make or break a program. Take this festival for instance: though I do take issue with the name, no doubt, its an exciting idea that demanded innovation, creativity, a brand new way of looking at traditions and crossing cultures to give fresh insight.

To promoters and planners: spend less time packing and more time concepting. If there’s no content or no substance, no amount of advertising, packaging, cleverness, or cuteness will help you. Create something of value, stand behind it – that’s how you’ll draw the people. For Jews’ sake: get creative. Think. We’re supposedly good at that. Don’t be satisfied and follow what other people are doing with time tested ideas. It won’t work. Resist the temptation and stand out above the rest. That’s the only guarantee.

Limmud equals learning. So be at the next one.

i quit. february 7th.

I watched united 93 tonight. Christ. Intense. Death. Memories. Brutal to watch, not just hard.

I can’t remember the last film I saw that affected me like this, leaving me comfortably numb, lonely, empty inside. the film itself was real, historically analyzed, and that’s what made it all the more depressing.  The scenes of a woman calling her son who was at home, smiling through the I Love yous, a girl in her 20s calling her parents, telling her that the plane is hijacked, and that this is the last time I’ll talk to you, two grandparents calling their grandchildren trying to make sense of it all, the passengers’ uprising the killers head bludgeoned to a red pulp the door breaking apart the plane drops altitude from the sky coming closer to the ground closer and then nothing. black. just black.

i quit my job today. gave them 2 weeks.  couldn’t sleep last night. i have a girl on the brain. don’t ask me how this is happening, or why, or why now, i can’t figure it out, but im actually comfortable with where its going. she’s not a hippie, but grew up in the mountains, and is almost as tall as me.

yeah so i quit. with nothing set in place for after i get outta that spot. but i’m okay with that. corporate america is a prison; job longevity completely overrated. at this point at least. what are we? monkeys who sit in front of computers and learn how to work machines? is that life? work was getting pathetic, and i wanted out.  the brothers are excited, the friends as well, the parents a different story. and that is to be expected 🙂

the past few years have been filled with personal torment and struggle, self loathing and discovery, a squashing and reconstruction of myself.  i’ve played cat and mouse with the ‘i’ll figure it out at some point’ game for god knows how long, and I can tell, just from my body, that my head has put the brakes and actually getting perspective into what its doing. i’m doing it right now, and this utterly foreign sensation has entered the naturalization stage.

I am a writer. I’m writing. I write.  A few months ago I realized I could even make money doing it, by coming up with concepts, channeling those cerebral spasms into something useful for a client, who would like to figure out how to present something..a shoe, new detergent, a political policy, a festival, a book about the Jewish view on masturbation, whatever comes up.  and there’s thing place called advertising school that I knew nothing about (operation destroy college counselor initiated) that I’m scrambling to get my shit together for, so that I can join their ranks and fill my head with how to sell, and what to say in order to sell.  what gets me slightly down are my shortcomings, however apparent, however minute. i guess the self-guessing never stops. whatever. let someone else run the footlocker, run the chinese slave shoe factory, train the managers, and fire the employees who are doing blow in the stackroom. I just wanna write their commercials and name their shoes for them.

life is good on other fronts. i mentioned the woman, and that is going well. im into her like I’m still in high school. which makes sense, since she’s not 20 yet. but i give her credit, she’s got an older mind on her shoulders, as i did, do, had. the hotness factor undoubtedly plays serious role as well. the brother is a lawyer and working with the father, the mother is on the path of being a real estate mogul, the other brother, i don’t know, i think he’s just growing up. on saturday i’m going for an ear candling and a foot detox, and then the moca to check out some japanese art exhibit with my friend. big weekend? maybe.

look forward to the weekend. we all need it. peace and love, shabbat shalom…i hope things are going well for you in your neck of the forest.