the parents are coming

Leon and Varda will step onto the Oakland tarmac at 3:30 p.m. on Friday, towing red and gray suitcases packed with toothbrushes and too many pants and Middle Eastern panic, seeking the quickest way to the Bay. Why can’t you just meet us at the airport? they will ask, then transported, moving with speed underwater, a giant tunnel snaking beneath the Bay Bridge. My fist will playfully connect with the backs of my dad’s ribs when his back is turned, his left hand on my mom’s shoulder, shielding her from the heavy beats of bucket drummers and homeless men selling their Street Sheet weeklies and remnants of replaceable dignity to those descending into the Powell BART station.  She will kiss my face, and because she is short, my back will need to adjust, the legs bending for leverage, to allow the rest of the body to follow for more matriarchal remedies. They will tell me how flight went, how Southwest only serves peanuts and juice and exactly how many of the flight attendants were gay. JUST. SO. GAY.  How she has leftover turkey and avocado baguettes and wants to know when I will want them, now or later. We will argue about taking a taxi or a bus, and after a quick lecture on sustainability I will relent because they have expendable funds for such types of things, and on the way to Hotel Kabuki my dad will ask me about my coccyx and why I haven’t seen the doctor yet. At the concierge desk will be a girl who studied marketing in Sacramento, she is bland, her face washed out from too much sun and not enough books, vacuous eyes that tell nothing of history, who grows nervous when the five-foot two Iraqi woman in a cape and scarf politely prods where the best restaurants in town are, if it’s safe to walk around here at night, and if people here really take the busses. Here’s a list of places nearby; Yes, absolutely, very safe, very safe; I drive, but most people use MUNI. They will go upstairs to smell the bedroom, measure the size of the shampoo and conditioner bottles, and argue whether my dad should bring the light or heavy coat out tonight. We will walk towards the water, sit down and debate if we should go by the glasses or go for glory, and we will all sample each others pumpkin soup. They will ask about school, about the girl, the coccyx again, the unqualified asshole orthopedist ready to inject their son’s 15-inch spine with cortisone, Obama, and whether I still like my roommates. I will talk about school, and the girl, and Obama, and fight about taxes and real estate, and Fersht and his new house and what his first kid will look like and if he’s really ready to be a father, then move back to the girl as the eyes grow wide from wine, they’ll ask what she’s like and if she’s nice and yes she is nice and she is great and how do you know because I just know that’s she’s sweet and what do her parents do? he is a chemical engineer and she’s a lawyer like you Aba haha oh really what’s her name? I hope I didn’t sue her and we’re so happy for you and her, so when can we meet her? I will ask about Edahn and Elana and our Grandma who is dying and how happy she gets when people around her sing in Yiddish, whether my dad speaks Yiddish, why he never taught us Yiddish. The Pinot Noir has taken over us completely by now, our voices grow loud and we are speaking frankly now, without reservation or concern for how much or even what kind of attention we are drawing to ourselves. Say something in Yiddish Leon! You’re in San Francisco now! Say something in Yiddish!

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Published by

urbaneskimo

I'm fascinated with people, their stories, where they're coming from and where they're headed. Met many, and now it's time to write my own. follow the footprint.

3 thoughts on “the parents are coming”

  1. Going on three months now, i remind Ema daily about my weekly school schedule so that she can avoid waking me up in a startle at 8:10 a.m., and let me sleep in the extra five minutes before i’m forced to start my day. “Gilly?? its 8:10! you’re going to be late!” she say’s. “No ema! i told you a million times, i dont have to be until 8:15!” I’d respond. But it doesn’t really matter now anyway, i’m up, annoyed, and in dire need for a cigarette. I’ll get out of bed after snoozing my alarm clock 6 times and stumble into the shower, checking out my godly physique in the mirror for about 2 minutes along the way. “God damn you look good” i’ll imagine someone saying to me. “Ya, i know” I’ll respond aloud to myself. I’ll get into my shower, turn on the hot water, wait about 15 minutes for it to finally start to get warm. While i’m waiting i usually stand naked by the shower, getting even more irritated by the sprinkles of cold water piercing my body, making me even colder. Before i step in, my Ema will usually knock on my door, asking me if she should put a bagel in the toaster for me. Although i usually am hungry, it would take me at least another 30 minutes before i even stepped foot downstairs, and by that time the bagel would be too stale to be considered edible. So i tell her not to make me aa bagel, then she’ll say why not, and ill say because i’m not hungry, even though i know the real reason why. I’ll get out the shower, dry myself off, put on my contacts before i taint my cleansed hands, throw some Crew sculpting hair cream on and get into my room. Ema will yell from downstairs that she’s going to the gym. then she’ll walk into the kitchen, get distracted for about 15 minutes, then say good-bye again. Ema WILL NOT LEAVE UNTIL SHE HEARS ME YELL GOOD-BYE to her. So you can imagine , that after waking up early, answering questions about bagels and coffee, yelling good-bye 4 times in a span of 15 minutes, that my morning has set an immaculate begining for whats to come later in my day.

  2. 1. I ❤ your commentary about Los Angelians.
    2. I have an affinity for penguins.
    3. What is Sweatstains about?
    4. And what caused you to think about tampons as 7:45pm on a Tuesday?
    5. To be continued over red wine.

  3. 1. thanks. its why i left.
    2. i do too. and this means i will need to draw more.
    3. i looked back on it and cant really remember. i imagine it has something to do with my insecurities and anxieties pursuing women. wait. its actually an open apology to all those i’ve somehow managed to mentally confuse and wrong. sorry.
    4. what doesn’t cause me think about tampons on a tuesday night?
    5. i can’t complain.

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